A mediator once asked me, “Why do you spend some of the time during a session just chatting about things that aren’t always relevant to their goals?”

This question sparked something in me and made me realize that the importance of pairing and rapport-building on an ongoing basis with our clients is not something that is a universally understood concept.

Everyone wants to accomplish their goals efficiently but there are some parts of the process that can’t be bypassed. Especially when it comes to supporting autistic kids and those with intellectual disabilities.

Hi, My name is Nicole Todes. I am a Behaviour Consultant at Lake Ridge Community Support Services and this is something I genuinely feel we need to talk about.

So what actually is pairing?

Pairing is an important first step in building a rapport, or a strong relationship with another person. It involves connecting yourself with things they already enjoy or find reinforcing, such as their favourite toy, favourite snack, favourite YouTube video or even just their favourite topic.

By engaging with these items, activities or conversations we show our clients that we are someone they can have fun with and most importantly, that we are someone who can be trusted.

Here are some examples:

One example may be if your child loves to play with a specific toy train. When we start to play with them and the toy train and join in on his playtime by making it silly and enjoyable, we strengthen our connection and are pairing ourselves with something he already loves.

Another example could be having a back-and-forth discussion with a child about specific interests or preferred topics. Showing them that we care about things they care about can help facilitate and build that vital relationship. Having that foundation ultimately encourages them to want to learn from you.

These are things parents do as well. It’s how we connect with kids. Through their interests.

You may be thinking: “Well you build your bond at the start and then you’re good, right?”

The answer to that would be, no. We get to our clients goals through their interests. Pairing and Rapport is an ongoing process that needs continuous effort. Spending time in each session to strengthen relationships with you clients and build onto the rapport helps them feel motivated and excited to keep coming back.

That is how we help them reach their potential and inspire them to do their best.